kendall klym

CHEATERZ

Necessity List distributed by tech-biz companies to students at XYZ University

1. Chuggalug: Take a screenshot of your writing assignment, upload it, and crack open a beer. Then sit back and relax while one of our expert writers meets your needs. Introductory offer of only $9.99 for the first essay and up to 25% discount if you earned anything below a 90 on a previous Chuggalug paper. Initiation fee waived if you sign up before the end of drop/add at your college or university. Do it before Labor Day and get a 50% off coupon for a twelve-pack of Chuggalug Beer. Chuggalug: best thing for English Comp, History, Social Sciences, any class and every class that requires writing. See testimonials.  

2. Me-Groupie: Get the Number 1 mobile group-messaging app that lets students take charge. Talk to each other in class without saying a word, post and share exam questions, come up with strategies to get that pesky professor to do what you want. Statistics show that Me-Groupie participants earn up to 10% higher grades as a result of using the free app and 25% higher grades with the Me-Groupie Enhanced Version, which enables access to personal information about your prof, from voting records to sexual orientation. Sign up for the Enhanced Version before the end of the first week of classes and receive a gift certificate good at your local cannabis cooperative.

3. Teenie Meanie: Awesome a hundred times over is what you’ll think of this technologically advanced Ultrasonic Wave Device designed especially for college students. The size of a sugarcoated raisin from your morning cereal, the tiny Teenie Meanie transmits your academic demands through inaudible kahfooza waves that head straight to the precipitous cuticle of the brain. According to trusted scientists, this is the place where people in charge change their minds. Sounds complicated, but it’s not. All you have to do is record your demands and place the device in a spot where your victim spends time. Have too many absences? Use Teenie Meanie. Got caught cheating on an exam? Use Teenie Meanie. Got turned down for that scholarship? Use Teenie Meanie. Device disintegrates after use and can never be traced back to its owner. Adherent to most surfaces. Got a prof who grades at home? No sweat. Get a Deluxe All-Weather Teenie Meanie, which fits perfectly on windows and walls, where kahfooza waves can penetrate. The more Teenie Meanie recorded messages a person is exposed to, the more they’re apt to listen. Limited Edition Teenie Meanie gives you the added option of bugging the peeps that bug you. Comes in packs of 12. Buy now, before it’s too late.

What many students don’t know about the items referenced on the Necessity List 

1. The cheaper papers from Chuggalug are all prewritten. This means that if professors ask for current sources, published after a purchasable paper was written, students must upgrade to Deluxe Chuggalug to solicit a custom paper, which becomes more expensive as word and source counts increase. Every time a student interacts with a Chuggalug consultant, fees go up. Students with professors who require two drafts of a paper will be paying double, at the very least. In one first-semester composition course at XYZ, a student paid $175 for a paper that got a C because it failed to follow exact directions spelled out on the essay prompt. Chuggalug requires all subscribers to sign a waiver, stating that they will not ask for their money back under any circumstances, nor will they hold Chuggalug, Chuggalug employees, or Chuggalug subsidiaries, including but not limited to Chuggalug Beer and Chuggalug Near Beer, liable for any trouble students get into. 

2. Anyone can upload Me-Groupie, Free Version, which means that a number of professors pose as a student in their classes, thus giving them an automatic invite to the Me-Groupie group. As a result, these professors end up having an electronic paper trail of every student who has cheated with the app. Reactions depend on individual professors, as each issue of cheating at XYZ requires multi-page forms to be submitted to Academic Integrity, and each student accused of a violation must attend an in-person hearing with the accusing professor and a member of the Academic Integrity Team. When 30% of a 200-student literature class cheats, for example, the professor may become overwhelmed by the reporting process and end up allowing the cheating to occur without repercussions. 

In terms of the costly Enhanced Version of Me-Groupie, to which a growing number of XYZ students have subscribed, the university had an interesting case last semester. Quite adept at using the app, a slacker lit student tracked a tenure-track English professor’s purchases at The Love Shack adult apparel and novelty store. A frat dude with broad shoulders and three girlfriends, the student confronted Professor Spewitt T. Plunck with an ultimatum: “Give me an A, or I’ll go to the dean.” An award-winning poet, Professor Plunck laughed and said: “Be my guest. Dean’s Office is down the hall on the right.” Then he pulled out his phone and showed the student a copy of his anthologized poem entitled “The Dildo,” accompanied by a close-up photo of his Love Shack purchase. The student walked away without a word. Considering Professor Plunck reads just the first and last paragraphs of literature essays and gives nothing lower than a B to his students, the frat dude with broad shoulders and three girlfriends was only mildly irritated when the semester came to a close.

1. Changing minds with kahfooza waves is legal in all states; however, the use of bugging devices in schools and on property not owned by the user is illegal. The same company that manufactures the Teenie Meanie also puts out the Teenie Meanie USW Device Negator, which the State Board of Regents voted last summer to allow XYZ to purchase for select staff and faculty members. These purchases led to a tuition hike and reduced funding for university-sponsored scholarships for the fall semester. A button-size apparatus worn with adhesive on the navel, the Negator scrambles all kahfooza waves before they can reach the brain’s precipitous cuticle; however, users must purchase an expensive Negator Charger, along with a Negator App Adapter, in order to keep Negators from running out of juice. 

Tenured and tenure-track professors get a free Negator but must purchase their own Negator Chargers and Adapters, which cost between $50 and $500, depending on a user’s DNA-Kahfooza-Interstitial Quotient. Those with higher quotients pay more because their Negator Chargers and Adapters burn up more juice. According to a recent study conducted by brainwave scholars at ABC University, women have higher quotients than men. Dissatisfied with the Teenie Meanie XYZ purchased for him, Professor Plunck, who has a low quotient and triple-digit salary, buys a Deluxe All-Weather Limited Edition Teenie Meanie. Dr. Bevan Llandudno, a published and prizewinning fiction writer with a high DNA-Kahfooza-Interstitial Quotient, fails to qualify for any Teenie Meanie product funding. That’s because she’s a mere lecturer, who teaches a 5-4 load of mostly composition and an occasional gen-ed lit class with a 100-student course cap. Plunck, who has an MFA, and not a PhD., teaches a 3-3 load of mostly upper-level courses, with a 20-student cap. Despite her increased workload, with extensive service requirements, Dr. Llandudno has produced twice as many prestigious publications as Plunck—most don’t pay more than a few dollars—yet she can’t afford even the cheapest of Teenie Meanie devices. Dr. Llandudno writes Welsh-inspired folklore, as well as short fiction about the oppression of women in the workplace. 

Dr. Llandudno’s English 1102 Essay 1 Prompt

Directions: Having read all required materials about accessing and analyzing a source, choose from an XYZ Library Database one scholarly article on a topic that interests you. Having completed all homework related to the article, type a three-page essay, plus a Works Cited page, analyzing how your understanding of the argument in the article became enriched as a result of your close readings, notes, and annotation assignments, listed and explained in-depth on the syllabus and accompanying handouts. 

Presented on the second day of school, this prompt prompts the following actions in Dr. Llandudno’s five 1102 Composition classes:

1. Forty-six out of 135 students drop.

2. Forty-five students who dropped other comp classes add Llandudno’s newly open sections.

3. Fifty students use Me-Groupie to complain about the essay assignment.

4. Thirty students upgrade to Deluxe Chuggalug.

5. Fourteen students get drunk on Chuggalug Beer and miss the third day of class.

6. One student with an Enhanced Version of Me-Groupie discovers that Dr. Llandudno is 42 and single, she commutes 40 minutes each way to work, and she belongs to a Celtic folk dancing group.

7. A Me-Groupie shared conversation thread says the following about Dr. Llandudno: “The bitch drives a green Ford Focus with a red dragon bumper sticker. Car super easy to break into. Getting up a collection for cheapest version of Teenie Meanie. Easily hidden under the dash. Everybody needs to give at least $10.” 

8. Tiffany Tuftmouse, a 21-year-old transfer student with a high voice, says she can’t contribute to the Teenie Meanie Fund, and her classmates snub her. They don’t care that she spent her last $10 on dog food for an abused Schnauzer-terrier mix she picked up at the pound and named Diggity because it likes to dig holes. When she explains that she spent all the money her single mother gave her on food, books, and winter clothes, nobody pays attention. A diminutive young woman with short chestnut hair, Tiffany is a loner and a vegetarian. 

Hard Labor

Despite heavy teaching requirements, low pay, and no job security, lecturers in the Department of English at XYZ University must serve actively on Composition and Literature committees, as well as perform other duties designated by tenure track and tenured professors in the department. This requirement is spelled out in the Lecturer Faculty Handbook, which states that “[f]ailure to perform active service, in addition to teaching duties described in Section 43-A, can result in  dismissal from employment.” Professor Plunck has formed a new Creative Writing Course Committee, on which he has asked Dr. Llandudno to serve. She’s accepted the offer with no questions asked but has done so with a wary eye, considering Plunck has led a successful movement to prohibit lecturers from teaching in the Upper Division, which includes all creative writing courses. During the first meeting of the committee, Plunck asks Llandudno to design from scratch a multi-genre Introduction to Creative Writing course—3000 or junior level. “I know you’ll do a great job,” says Plunck, whom Llandudno knows will take full credit for her work. “Is that a new shirt?” asks the lecturer, knowing that Plunck has lost a lot of weight since his wife left him a few months ago for a thinner man. “I like it.” Later in the day, when Llandudno calls her ailing mother, she says: “As much as I dislike Plunck because of his attitude, I have to give him credit for asking me to do his dirty work. Lord knows he wouldn’t know where to start if he had to create a course on his own.” Llandudno’s mother says she’s knitting her daughter a wool sweater for Christmas. The pattern is Welsh.

Swamp Things

Thanks to her new service project, Dr. Llandudno no longer has time for folk dancing. To make up for the loss, she plans a weekend visit to the riparian preserve just down the road from campus. Despite extensive trails, including a boardwalk through a swamp that contains carnivorous plants, the preserve receives little use. And that includes the college town’s busiest times of the year: homecoming, graduation, and Tobacco Festival Week. Most students avoid the place because of the swamp gas, which interacts with their electronic devices, rendering them useless during their visit to the 350-acre swath of wetlands, forest, and lowland prairie. Even fewer professors come to “the swamp,” as the locals call it. According to a study conducted by biochemists and sociologists, respectively, from the University of JKL, and EFG State University, the combination of swamp gas, flying insects, and hungry carnivorous plants produces a rare form of kahfooza wave that tickles the pubipital lobe of the brain, where the human work ethic is located. About 5% of highly intelligent adults exposed to these waves develop work ethics that rival those of the world’s greatest creative and scientific minds. Adults with mediocre abilities and minds react to the waves by losing the desire to do much of anything but eat, sleep, and have sex. Young people with varying levels of intelligence and abilities can either increase or decrease their work ethics, as a result of wave exposure, alongside other influential factors. In developing minds, a host of variables interact with the waves, resulting in a variety of outcomes. Reading fine literature, for example, helps waves to increase the work ethic, while succumbing to peer pressure does the opposite. 

Most professors know about the aforementioned study, but Dr. Llandudno isn’t one of them. Dr. Ethelyn Gripple, a full professor specializing in eco writing at XYZ, loves the preserve and comes at least twice a week. Since she began frequenting the swamp three months ago, Gripple has completed 300 pages of a monograph about the mysterious Indian mounds south of town. A proponent of lecturer rights, Gripple is also chair of XYZ’s Interdepartmental Faculty Transparency Council (IFTC), which is in the midst of reassessing the Lecturer Faculty Handbook to meet equitability guidelines. 

Swamp Encounters

It’s Sunday morning. Gripple and Llandudno spot each other on the Carnivorous Plant Boardwalk at the riparian preserve. After exchanging greetings, they stand silently before a patch of Venus flytraps, waiting for an insect to trip the trigger hairs located on the crimson side of the folded leaves. “They look like open mouths baring their teeth,” says Dr. Llandudno, pointing to the fingerlike protrusions on the semicircular edges of each Venus flytrap leaf. Dr. Gripple smiles. “Your observation is excellent,” she says, noting that scientists refer to such protrusions as teeth, which lock an insect inside the trap when it snaps shut. While Gripple speaks, a bee lands in the middle of a trap, but nothing happens. “I guess that one doesn’t work,” says Llandudno. “Bees are exempt,” explains Gripple, “because the plants know better than to trap the insects that pollinate them. But when a fly or mosquito shows up, that’s a different story. Every time a trigger hair is disturbed, an electrical signal travels along cell surfaces. In order to avoid false alarms, a trigger hair needs to be disturbed two times before the trap snaps shut. Then the plant makes digestive enzymes to dissolve the insect.” Llandudno asks what happens if an insect tries to bite or sting its way out, and Gripple explains that “the more the victim flails, squirms, and struggles, the more the plant produces juices to dissolve it. The flytrap always wins out.”

The two academics part ways, and Dr. Llandudno leaves the boardwalk and enters a longleaf pine forest and surrounding grassland. A minute down the trail, she sees Tiffany Tuftmouse walking Diggity. When the dog notices the professor, it lets out a playful bark, jerks away from its owner, and nuzzles up to Llandudno’s pant leg. “Oh, you are such a good daaahhg,” says Llandudno, crouching to pet Diggity, whose response is to pant and lick. Tuftmouse runs up and reaches unsuccessfully for the dog’s leash. “I am so sorry,” she says, ignoring the fact that her dog and her teacher continue to express affection for one another. “I just got the dog and don’t have much experience.” Llandudno tells her student there’s no need to apologize, and once the dog is reunited with its owner, she continues on her way. 

When the professor reaches the edge of a gurgling stream, she sits on a bench to watch the sun as it peeks through a hunter-green veil of pines. She closes her eyes and luxuriates in the warmth caressing her face and neck. Shadows dancing across her lids, she transports herself to a glistening rain-soaked meadow on her grandmother’s Carmarthenshire farm. When a breeze tousles her curly auburn hair, birds begin to chirp. She thinks of an old Welsh miner’s tale, in which a robin, a pigeon, and a dove fly around a colliery just before the 7 o’clock hooter. Several miners notice the birds and pass along the news. As a result, more than a third of the workers turn around and go home, saying the birdsong was “a bad omen.” The rest of the workers laugh and call the frightened miners “girly men.” Nearly two hundred fearless miners descend into darkness, never again to see the light of day, when three tons of rubble bury their burly bodies. 

When Llandudno arrives home, she writes 900 words of an original folktale inspired by birds, Venus flytraps, English department service, and mining. Instead of using her computer, she writes cursive with a No. 2 pencil on individual sheets of paper. Under the paper, she’s placed a thin square of gray-green slate from North Wales. As she writes, she listens to the sound of her pencil scratching and pecking the paper-topped slab of rock. It reminds her of watching her Welsh granny do dishes after a Sunday dinner of leg of lamb and root vegetables, all raised on the family farm. The act of listening to her writing transforms Llandudno’s anger and bitterness toward Plunck into liquid creativity, as swampy kahfooza waves turn her pubipital lobe purple. 

Tiffany’s Essay

Like many of her classmates, Tiffany Tuftmouse leaves her English essay to the last minute. However, she has completed all related homework assignments on time, and that includes finding an interesting article to write about: “Resilience in Dogs? Lessons from Other Species,” located in Veterinary Medicine: Research and Reports. Having read and printed out the article the day after she visited the riparian preserve, she also wrote extensive annotations in the margins. Upon finishing the assignment, she had felt energized by the knowledge that playing with a dog can reduce stress and lower dangerous levels of blood cortisol in both the dog and its owner. She was ready to start the essay. Unfortunately, she didn’t, and her kahfooza-induced work ethic diminished just after she read on Me-Groupie that lots of students were upset with the assignment, which they found impossible to write because they had to read and conduct research. A popular blond woman who sits next to Tuftmouse wrote that “Dr. L is a total wackadoodle that needs to get fucked. Then she won’t be such a difficunt.” A member of Campus Christian Warriors, the woman receives 102 “likes” for her comment, and another student, who has a $20,000-a-year Philosophy and Ethics Scholarship, says that “everybody in the class should get an A, just for dealing with the teacher’s shit.” 

Despite the effects of reading the Me-Groupie comments, Tuftmouse decides to complete the assignment without cheating, especially since Chuggalug charges an extra $50 for gaining access to XYZ and other library databases. It’s midnight before she has written what she considers a strong introductory paragraph. Halfway into the first page of the body, she hears Diggity whining and stops writing. When she goes to see what’s wrong, the dog is writhing on the floor, spittle foaming from his mouth. She rushes him to the all-night vet, who treats him for food poisoning. Then she hurries home. Heading into her pet-friendly dorm building, she sees the blond Christian who wrote nasty things about Dr. L and tries to avoid eye contact. When she reaches her room, she feels drowsy and sets her alarm for a half-hour later. Unfortunately, she sleeps through it. 

The following morning, four hours before the paper is due, Tiffany Tuftmouse uses a new credit card she received mysteriously in the mail to pay for a Rushhalug Chuggalug paper. The grand total comes to $250. Five minutes before it’s due, the essay appears as a document on her phone. Without reading it, she uploads the document and hurries to class. Having turned off her phone before walking into the room, as dictated by Dr. L’s syllabus, she fails to read the following Chuggalug Textalugg: “Unable to do doggie ppr due to time constrnt. Found prewritten ppr that meets reqrmts. U hve been issd $50 credit for next Chuggalug prchse.” 

Class Attendance on Due Date

Fewer than half of Dr. Llandudno’s 1102 students show up for their comp classes. Some send emails claiming illness, while others say they have family emergencies, including but not limited to sick, dying, and newly deceased grandmothers; parents landing in the hospital because of cancer, car accidents, and animal bites; and unexpected summonses to court. According to a thread in Me-Groupie, Chuggalug prices are outrageous, and not enough students contributed toward the purchase of a Teenie Meanie, so no one got one. As a result, a lot of students are trying to write their papers without cheating. Therefore, they can’t possibly turn them in on the due date. Instead of coming to class, they have gone to the computer lab en masse to locate and read scholarly articles. During class, which consists of a group exercise to prepare students for writing the next essay, Tiffany Tuftmouse feels sick to her stomach. Wishing she hadn’t cheated because she likes both English and her professor, she raises her hand and asks if she can leave early without penalty to go to the infirmary. Dr. L says, “Of course,” and wishes her well. 

Aberystwyth Prize

In the midst of grading 134 essays, each of which she reads twice, annotates, and offers a paragraph of feedback, Llandudno completes her 4,993-word folktale, revises it 16 times, and enters the story in the prestigious, high-stakes Aberystwyth Prize competition. The contest is especially significant to Llandudno because it originates from the seaside city of Aberystwyth, where she received her PhD. on an academic scholarship from the University of Wales. Just to have entered makes her feel satisfied and proud. Turnaround time for the announcement of winners is two weeks—double the amount of time Llandudno takes to grade a single set of 134 essays. During this time, she forgets she even entered, especially when having to deal with doctors’ appointments and medicines for her mother. But at 6:45 a.m. on a Monday in October, just after she arrives at school for another week of 13-hour workdays, she receives a call from Wales. Bevan Llandudno has won the Aberystwyth Prize with her folktale entitled “Venus Flytrap.” Winnings are a generous £3,000, which come out to $3,976—more than enough for a top Teenie Meanie device, which she has no interest in purchasing. 

When Plunck learns of Llandudno’s success, he criticizes her course proposal but doesn’t get very far when the department approves the document unanimously, subject to minor corrections. In addition to getting published in Welsh Literata Journal, Llandudno has been invited to read her story at the Celtic Literary Eisteddfod, to be held in Snowdonia National Park during the upcoming summer. Despite being a lecturer, Llandudno is allowed $500 travel money, as long as she fills out 30 pages of online forms, explaining how her travel will enhance her teaching and service at XYZ University. The forms are then subject to department, college, and university approval and take six months to process. 

Office-Hour Confrontation

Upon reading Tiffany Tuftmouse’s essay, Dr. Bevan Llandudno gets a sinking feeling in her stomach. After taking an antacid, she sends the student an email, asking her to stop by her office for a chat. Wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Diggity on the front, Tuftmouse knocks meekly on Llandudno’s door a few minutes later. Note that the student has not yet read her Chuggalug text about switching paper topics. Following is a word-for-word account of the interchange between teacher and student:

L: You did such a good job on your homework; I was wondering why you decided to change topics for your essay. 

T: Uh . . . well, I don’t know. It . . . just didn’t work out.

L: Are you sure there isn’t some other reason? I know how much you love Diggity, and the annotations you wrote about the dog article reflect a strong sense of reading comprehension and application of scholarly material.

T: Well, you see, I sort of ran out of time and ended up going with an easier topic.

L: Honesty-humility factors as they relate to personality type was an easier topic? 

At this point, Tuftmouse, who normally has a pale complexion, thanks to her Irish ancestry, begins to turn red. Then she admits to cheating. She tells her professor about starting the essay, but stops talking when she decides her reason for quitting writing is no better than saying her dog ate her homework. After taking a breath, she says her excuse is lame and is willing to accept the consequences for cheating. Llandudno asks to see the partially completed work. Upon reading it, she offers the student a second chance, with a 5-point penalty for lateness and dishonesty. The student accepts. When Tuftmouse stands up to leave, Llandudno suggests she get rid of her subscription to Chuggalug. When the student asks how she knew where her paper came from, her professor smiles. 

Teenie Meanie Terrorism

When the department honors Dr. Llandudno with an award for prolific and prestigious publications, Plunck gets drunk on a bottle of vodka he keeps in a drawer in his palatial office. Then he heads to Llandudno’s cubbyhole, just large enough to fit a desk and a chair for a single student to sit. In the midst of congratulating her, he attaches a Limited Edition Teenie Meanie to the bottom of her desk, having programmed it with the following message: You will confess to having done something against XYZ rules. When he leaves, Llandudno closes her door and calls her mother. Plunck’s Teenie Meanie records her conversation, during which she explains how she handled Tuftmouse’s case. “That’s not the problem,” she says. “Remember last summer when all of a sudden, the university stopped paying for each student enrolled in online comp courses and switched to a much smaller set salary?” Her mother groans. “The college cheated you out of thousands,” she says. “If I remember correctly, you had to get a temp job to make ends meet.” Llandudno takes a breath. “Yeah, I told you that part, but I didn’t tell you where I worked: a paper mill called Chuggalug. In other words, I helped students cheat. The student I just told you about cheated with an essay I wrote while working for Chuggalug for a total of two weeks. According to the Lecturer Faculty Handbook, ‘Participating in any activity that promotes cheating can lead to immediate dismissal.’ ” Llandudno’s mother, who recently completed physical therapy after a knee replacement, tells her to push through the pain. “You did what you did, you realized it was wrong, and you stopped. Nobody knows, so keep it that way.” The next day, when Plunck listens to the recording of Llandudno’s call, he charts his strategy to discredit the one person he considers a threat.

Swamp Encounters II

On the first Friday in November, Llandudno receives a formal letter from the dean ordering her to attend an academic integrity hearing the following Monday. On Sunday, at an arranged rendezvous at the swamp, Gripple says she will stand by Llandudno at her hearing. “The IFTC has succeeded in proving that the university was in violation of bylaws when revoking the per-student pay scale for comp courses without warning,” says Gripple. “That doesn’t exonerate you for what you did, but it points to the possibility that the university’s violation and your violation share a relationship. If you’re dismissed, the IFTC will look into the incident. Now if my hunch is correct, I’m thinking that someone uncovered your indiscretion by using an electronic device illegally.”

Llandudno thanks her colleague and heads to the bench by the stream. She buttons her coat, sits down, and closes her eyes. Beginning to doze, she hears the high-pitched chirp of Tuftmouse’s voice calling out to Diggity. When the dog sniffs out the professor, he jumps into her lap and licks her face. At this point, she starts to cry. When Tuftmouse appears and takes hold of her dog, Llandudno asks if she has told anyone about their office meeting. The student says no. When the professor explains why she may no longer be teaching at XYZ University, the student offers to write a letter to the dean, explaining how she, not her teacher, is a cheater. The professor says, “You’re not the only one; I’m a cheater, too.” 

Not knowing what to say, Tuftmouse walks away, and Llandudno returns to dozing. She dreams of a translated chapter of a medieval Welsh text known as The Mabinogion. For her, the text’s wars and tribes and betrayals take a back seat to the setting—a Wales made of thick mist and the susurration of trees, a place where one must learn that mysticism rules over all. A character named Pryderi follows the faithful dogs he’s ordered to chase after a big white boar. Just as they reach the boar, it morphs into a fallen moon that grows into a big hill. Manawyddan, who has accompanied Pryderi on the hunt, warns that the hill is a trap, but Pryderi says it is the “Mound of the Testing.” Crossing the threshold of the hill through a black hole, Pryderi and his dogs enter the chamber of the first King of Dyved, never to return alive. When Llandudno opens her eyes, she feels lighter. On the walk back to her car, she imagines Plunck caught in the grips of a Venus flytrap, hopelessly wielding a Deluxe All-Weather Limited Edition Teenie Meanie.

______

WINNER OF THE TARTT FIRST FICTION AWARD FOR STEP LIGHTLY: STORIES, DR. KENDALL KLYM HAS WON NUMEROUS AWARDS FOR HIS SHORT STORIES. HE IS A THREE-TIME HONORABLE MENTION WINNER OF THE GREAT AMERICAN FICTION CONTEST AND HAS PUBLISHED SHORT FICTION IN MANY JOURNALS INCLUDING SOLSTICE, PUERTO DEL SOL, AND FICTION INTERNATIONAL. HE HAS WON THREE WRITING FELLOWSHIPS, AND TWO OF HIS STORIES WERE NOMINATED FOR PUSHCART PRIZES. KLYM HOLDS A PHD IN ENGLISH, WITH A CONCENTRATION IN FICTION WRITING, FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF WALES, ABERYSTWYTH, AND HAS TAUGHT CREATIVE WRITING, COMPOSITION, AND LITERATURE FULL TIME AT KENNESAW STATE UNIVERSITY.