Kristin Ryan

Ashland MFA Alum

THE HUMMING

I wake from another dream
about their hands roaming.

Suspended in hypnopompia,
wasps swarm the pillow. 

I am unable to move. 

You deserved it, they hum.
You liked it.
You asked for it. 

No, no, I plead,
I didn’t. I didn’t like it. 

The humming grows louder:

No one believes you.
You should have killed
yourself like you planned. 

I try to move again,
try to tell myself

this isn’t real,
that I am safe,

but I can’t form
the words. 

When the hallucination
finally breaks, I am

left with the weight
of hands, knowing all

the ways they destroyed
my five-year-old body. 

____

KRISTIN RYAN IS A POET AND ESSAYIST WORKING TOWARDS HEALING, AND FULL SLEEVES OF TATTOOS. SHE IS A RECIPIENT OF THE NANCY D. HARGROVE EDITOR'S PRIZE IN POETRY, AND HER WORK HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST NEW POETS, BEST OF THE NET, AND THE PUSHCART PRIZE. HER POEMS AND ESSAYS HAVE BEEN FEATURED IN GLASS: A JOURNAL OF POETRY, JABBERWOCK REVIEW, MILK AND BEANS, MOONCHILD MAGAZINE, SEROTONIN LIT, AND SWWIM AMONG OTHERS. SHE HOLDS AN MFA FROM ASHLAND UNIVERSITY AND WORKS IN THE MENTAL HEALTH FIELD.